Exciting Halloween Costumes

Phat Phelps:
Fat guy, Speedo. 8 sports participation ribbons.

Chinese Olympic Gymnast:
Leotard, Diaper, and huge smile.

Chiefs Quarterback:
Glue bench to butt and injured reserve letter on head, and greasy hands that are unable to hold football. Money in back pocket optional.

Bad Idea :
Dress as $.99 store recycle bag or Royals professional baseball contract or Drill Bit with ANWR painted on it.

Good idea:
Dress as windmill or mattress stuffed with cash or CFL Bulb or 4 cyl engine.

Banker:
Find empty wine barrel, carve out bottom, add suspenders, tie, and cigar. Or wear suit complete on front, completely ripped off on back.

AIG Executive:
Armani Hobo outfit, don’t forget golf clubs and tickets to Club Med in pocket. (Note utilizing interpretive dance to avoid tough questions about using taxpayer bailout money for executive retreat). Or dress as gigantic douche bag.

Chiefs GM, Various Bank CEO’s, President Bush:
Dress as gigantic douche bag.

Presidential Candidate:
Mask that has Obama face on one side McCain on the other, must know how to lie constantly or I mean “promise change” to everyone around you. Shell game prop would be handy at taking people’s money. If they want their money back hand them a few pennies and call it an economic stimulus package. Make sure to burn all money acquired from the shell game at the end of the night.

Congressman with significant economic stimulus package:
Costume not available at this time.

Mortgage Broker:
Wear suit, cover thoroughly in Teflon, whiten teeth, and grease palms. Blame everyone else for problems.

American:
Blackberry, cigarette, Starbuck’s coffee cup, repo-ed Lexus cutout, $400,000 foreclosure home cutout, Mc D’s Manager uniform, and white picket fence optional. Must text constantly, sweat, and only talk about how crappy you are paid, and how you should have bought a BMW instead. If asked about foreclosed home or repo-ed Lexus act as if you never saw it coming. Ask for credit applications every time you meet a new person.

American Company CEO:
Suit, Scrooge-McDuck-sized money bag, and golden parachute. Must speak in nonsensical verbiage like, "synergistic parallels" or "knowledge cohesion" and must always choose the wrong decision. While at the party talk about moving the keg processing operation overseas to save money. Hand out pink slips constantly.

American Healthcare System
Body bag and gurney. Have buddy dressed as douche bag, I mean as a lawyer, push you around the party and talk about what great shape you are in.

Real Time Stock Ticker
Wear all red and bounce on trampoline. Occasionally fall, and only get up after conversation with person dressed as Warren Buffett or douche bag. Or person dressed in shorts may trip you constantly.

American Consumer Confidence:
Rent zombie outfit.

Ben Bernanke or Henry Paulson:
Rent Ronald McDonald outfit and juggle. Hand out money all night to people dressed as douche bags.